Crossing the Great Divide

Wonder of wonders - may we be saved by South Dakota?

It has my attention, and I am intrigued.

A few days ago, a story was posted on how South Dakota voters are slightly leaning towards casting aside the legislatively enacted ban on abortion (see Feminist Majority Newswire 31 October, 2006.

And now comes Tight Battle Over SD Anti-Gay Amendment. 

Imagine... if they strike down the restrictive choice law, coupled with a rejection of the anti-gay amendment, in one election this geographically large, small population state could send a huge message. Oh, I don't for a moment think the message is we are pro-choice, pro-gay, rather it is we don't need silly laws restricting the rights of people.

South Dakota has been viewed as a test case, a jump off point to rid America of that dastardly thing called choice. It has no particular importance in the grand anti-gay scheme, excepting an unanticipated role of rally killer if it's people choose to eschew law banning gays.

And what a welcome relief that would be. We watched as an overwhelmingly male legislature pulled the rug out from under women, and now... those of us who were despairing the passage of the anti-choice law, now take hope in what this state will bring forth on Tuesday. I wonder how those in the SD legislature will feel and react to such a vote?

Meanwhile, whilst most states will vote to impose their marriage bans, a victory is still a victory is still a sign of viewpoints in flux. We start with one, we convince one more, we work mind by mind, showing our fellow citizens there is nothing about us to fear.

On Tuesday, send your good thoughts towards South Dakota. Heck mine are going to be everywhere, hoping for political change... this is one more change I never expected to be comtemplating. 

Bitch

What a suggestive title!

I could mean speak up about some issue or another, or it could be me lambasting some unknown woman of mystery, or even simply an exclamation.

In this case, none of the above.

After a two year hiatus, I've resubscribed to Bitch Magazine. It's been missed. I've brought my older copies into work, and people actually do set and read it, this after their eyes go large upon seeing the title.

There is so much of interest in the magazine, and it deserves to stay afloat. Yessee, within the first issue I received, the publishers talk on needing 500 new subscribers to stay afloat. I hope my subscription contributed to lowering that number by one. And I'm putting this on the blog in hopes one or two folks out there will shell out the well worth it $15. for 4 quarterly issues.

The magazine deserves to exist, and hope someone out here will find it as worthy as I do.

Could it be?

I'll admit the site is hardly impartial; nor is it a good barometer of how the wind is blowing outside of the lgbt community, but I'll take good news where it presents itself.

365gay.com is carrying this story syndicated by the Associated Press: Women In South Rejecting GOP Over War, Gay Marriage Stands

Huh? Cracks in the right's stranglehold on the South? Amour over armour? Works for me!

So the piece closes with someone saying George governs through the will and grace (no pun intended, really) of God. *cough* Run that one by me again? Are we talkin' on the guy who is for torture, secret prisons, having someone else shot at but could not bring himself to serve in a war he supported? That guy? Really, God said "George, run me a country!" And so George did? Why couldn't she have instructed him to build a flipping ark? And would he put two Democrats on the boat?

I hope it's true, and I hope against all hope the way out of this tunnel of darkness what this new millennium began with us entering the long end. Imagine that... women are getting fed up. Now if we get single women to actually get to polls...

Meanwhile, back at the office...

apparently some of the righteous, or maybe it's that old staple, misogynists, who have come up with gender oriented gress codes. Gendered Dress Codes in the Workplace Create Controversy

In a similar case earlier this year, the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals found that a Harrah’s Casino policy violated Title VII, siding with Darlene Jespersen, who filed a sex discrimination suit after being fired from Harrah’s for refusing to comply with a new grooming policy. According to Lambda Legal, which served as co-counsel on Jespersen’s case, Harrah’s policy required that all women in the beverage department wear specific makeup to match a photograph, while men were forbidden from wearing any makeup at all. Women also had to wear their hair styled and maintain clear, red, pink, or white painted fingernails. Jespersen successfully argued that the requirements make her feel “demeaned,” “degraded,” and unable to remain credible as a bartender who occasionally breaks up fights, Law.com reports.

Hey, if I wish to do these things, I'll do them... my employer doesn't have need to impose. Of course, if I don't wish to have purty nails and such, well... no need to impose. As it happens, I haven't put polish on my fingertips in a year, and make up went out the window as electrology gained the upper hand. My skin complexion is naturally nice, no need for that crap.

I can recall how things once were... in the mid 1980's, the office manager where I worked was asked to attend a meeting of corporate execs and regional managers, to be held at some men's club in Buffalo, of which our illustrious president was a member. Upon arrival, she was told she had to go in the back door... only men were allowed in the front door. She was a very proud feminist who happened to need her job, and she went around back.

Those days are somewhat in the rear view mirror, but all the seeds for such nonsense to sprout anew are present and ready for watering. We need to not stand for such things and not remain silent, so applause to those pursuing the issue.

Parental consent and the Texas shuffle

Texas Finalizes Parental Consent Form; Includes Notarization Requirement.

A round of applause for TX? Hardly. After years of debating various restrictions pro life folk dream up to restrict the right to choose, it's no surprise they are going for the ankles... they can't reach any higher on the issue of choice.

For me, it's simple. Choicers are just that. We aren't imposing a solution, a choice, etc on anyone - each and every woman makes her choice based on her own personal outlook. Yet we are hung in effigy, decried as murderers, and sinners of the worst order. Um, have I advocated someone abort? Only if someone asked my opinion, and in fact, have been asked precisely twice.

When my opinion is given, it does not come with judgement if another alternative is followed. It does come with exploration of how the person asking feels, what's in their head, basically trying to help them bounce their thoughts back at themselves.

Of course I'm procrastinating on delving into Texas, but no longer.

For heaven's sake, it's unconscionable to place the inner workings of one's body in the hands of another. Yeah, we do the surgery thing with our kidlets, tonsils and adenoids in my youngun's case, but these were medically necessary. It was not a choice between options where there were profound ongoing implications. And of course, too many times a parent might have been the cause.

I cannot imagine a 14 year old being of a mind to seek out a judge's authorisation. And what provisions are in the law that protect a minor from the rage of pissed off parents? Even the most supportive among us is a tad annoyed when we find our child has crossed these lines - teens aren't supposed to have sex, remember? That abstinence only thing and all. We usually do settle and move towards support, but for some parents... say a beating might be in order, or tossing from home. How about a forced pregnancy? Forced pregnancy and adoption? That happened to a friend, a friend from whence my name comes, rape, pregnancy, carry, place for adoption. The nutmare scenario.

Now Texas wishes to have the damn consent notarised. *rolls eyes* How about everyone involve swear an oath on the Bible? Why not have a mandatory 9 month waiting period (this one is coming, I can feel the idea in the ethersphere.)

So where are we in the US on access to abortion? Glad you asked. The National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, goddess bless them has compiled a very nice exhibit on Mapping Our Rights; it really is worth checking out.

I'd like to say it

I'm tired of being put down, cut down, insulted, demeaned, devalued, compared to, compared with, prejudged, labeled, and explained, by those who have no understanding in any way, shape, or form of those who make up the lgbt community, or the community itself.

I could ascribe this all to the religious right, and I'm sure there is a fair presence amongst those who do such things, but... think we could find homophobes about everywhere, including with some of the more liberal of people in society.

As mentioned in my preceding mumblings post, I'd walked, or at least almost completely curtailed, my iVillage activity for this very reason. I did post a story tonight on the Episcopal church, but there is no current desire to delve heavily into discussion on any of their boards.

If I post in a gay issues area, someone will soon post saying it's quite ok to discriminate against gays. Or our relationships will be compared with any barnyard animal you can name... better yet, only one half of the relationship will be barnyard animal. And harems, we've got harems.

I'm also overcompensating for my gender issues, such is the root of my feminist belief. That one cracks me up... the purveyors of that tripe cannot overcome my pov within debate on a feminist issue, so they go for my legs. If we can't refute what you say, why... we will render you less than (or they can try.)

I can deal with these idiots, but what finally got me was the lack of any real enthusiasm on the part of iV staff to keep these jackarses away once banned. Inside of the time it takes to read this post, they are back under another identity, ready to go.

And this was one thing we never discussed in our blog debates last summer, Denise... this shit simply is a rarity on a blog. No troll space. I like that aspect of things.

Anyway, I'd like to tell these believers of me as sinner (for being lgbt, I certainly would never claim to be sinless in any other way) can bloody go to um... hell? Nah... I don't feel right condemning them, thus condemning myself to their same sorry outlook. No. I'll not call them idiots. Say they mock their religious beliefs by embracing hatred. Say they are hypocrites. Say they need to take a good hard look within.

Yanno, I have to take good hard looks within, and it does start with my frustration with those who have such outlook. May I never embrace hatred towards others. It's ok to express the frustration, even with a fuckin' eh! Shit! etc expletive tossed in. So long as my mind rights itself and stops thinking I actually carry importance of any type.

Is there conflict within me, to say these things? You bet. But nope, I won't say these things.

The sad and the crazy

Three stories are preoccupying my current thoughts, one perilously close, for unknown reason, to triggering me in some way. The second saddens me deeply, while the third is simply of interest and worthy of discussion.

The first story comes courtesy of this message board discussion: Mom gives daugher to boyfriend for sex. A second story, if you are interested, has just been posted: Mom makes sex deal for girl. OK,no rocket science in knowng the issues afoot with this story. Yet I am incredulous to see someone trying to say the 15 year old somehow has or might have culpability here.

Yeah, 15 year olds get horny. Yeah, 15 year old have sex, like it or not... but think most parents hope they find responsible outlets and means of satisfying this horniness, or if they absolutely love someone and wish to go there, do so in a very responsible manner. Satisfying mom's boyfriend would not seem to fit that criteria. I don't care (as stated in that thread) if she sat naked on his lap trying to entice him... if he has some semblance of a functioning brain, no go there. And mom?

The second story comes by way of our local news: Child Found With 24 Broken Bones. A six month old child. 24 broken bones. When are we going to start teaching - seriously teaching - what to expect with a baby, what to be ready for, and how to prepare for the early childhood years. We require divorcing parents to attend classes, yes a good idea, on how the separation impacts children, and this one should be next.

The final story is about the increasingly violent conduct of young women. In this second local story, a 14 year old was assaulted by other young women. The trend nationally is for increase. It's not unexpected, with the move to equality for women, gaining ground across the board logically suggests there would also be a corresponding increase in aggression. The question to ponder is... do we try to run interference now, or do we let this culture of aggression continue growing unchecked?

If the answer is intercede and correct, how?

The blogher uncivil war

Apparently my heteronormative post was on the periphery of a larger, heated exchange between blogging mommies and non-mommies.

My take? Sigh.

Guess I'd seen some of the shots as they were fired, but really wished to ostrichsise myself (as opposed to ostracise) and pretend there were no bullets striking all around the spaces I wandered. I've not even yet ventured out to see who's saying what about whom and or just about what, and probably will in a bit...

but. Not sure I wish to hear it. What I do wish to do is stand on a mountain and blow a whistle.

The full extent of this was brought home in discussions last evening with Denise also author of Fast Times @ Homeschool High and with sassymonkey. I believe their outlook on all this is worthwhile as well.

Um, I'm feeling for the blogher organisers and founders. Something so very kewl and forward thinking reduced to the tired skirmishes of mommies and feminists. Um, lots of mommies *are* feminists, and lots of feminists are mommies, so why the range war?

Well, I know from playing extensively on a feminist board there are tensions, apparently some feminists think being a sahp is a betrayal to greater feminism. Some mommies think feminists see them in this lowly light, and thus dis on feminists.

With message boards and blogging, all of these voices are being heard, and when they mix, apparently do not produce the outlook equivalent of this dictionary definition of solution:

1a. A homogeneous mixture of two or more substances, which may be solids, liquids, gases, or a combination of these.

nor apparently does it produce these definitions of solution:

3a. The method or process of solving a problem.

3b. The answer to or disposition of a problem.

My personal opinion is in large part offered up by my favourite columnist, Ellen Goodman. In Getting over the mommy wars, Ellen talks on this ongoing range war between women, outlining why it is so counterproductive, and so in need of an end date.

Yanno, in this case, my own opinion is both one of wishing to reconcile both parties with the other, but also of some sympathy for mommies who, as is their encouraged right, converged on the blogher convention to share in furthering the blogging cause of women. Um, so what if they predominated? Next year, how about more of those who desparage the mommies seek to join up with them at blogher? Goddess, I'd love to go, but it may not be possible for a couple of years.

Once again I resort to mantra saying we are all unique, but it's true. It's also true that we fit into broad categories on a more macro level. So long as mommies and those who see things differently focus their attentions on each other, rather on the overall advancement of women towards our goal of being equal and equally heard, then we spin our wheels. And so long as we spend our time totally in theory and not in application, we fail to work onward towards these goals.

As any who parents knows, it's real life application, not theory. The theory is good for those down moments between feeding, clothing, cleaning, shuttling, shopping, healing, comforting, educating, praising, worrying, guiding, and so on. Most feminists I know are in fact parents. Most are mommies, and well, that's one test I fail, though I am parent.

Feminism exists because women are fundamentally not equal in reality, but we lose widespread support because we allow those who feel threatened by our simple goals to define who we are. And here we are, busily assisting them in the process.

OK, time to shuddup and venture about. Where are the kevlar vests and helmets? Are steel toed boots a necessity on my wandering?

Not so funny bumper sticker

Setting at a traffic light in Laconia on my exit out of this small city, a  rather dilapidated van to my left and front of me sported serveral raggedy looking bumper stickers.

One in particular caught my attention. Take your ex out tonight. One bullet ought to do it.

Not funny. At all. He was speeding away by the time I'd recovered to start examining the rest of his bumper stickers, but that first had me rather frazzled.

In searching out on the net for that first grade mentality bumper sticker to the right, can you believe someone is actually selling these? Amazing.

I'm divorced. 24 years of marriage did not end well. Yet... my ex is a good person, hell we were together for a lonnnnng time. Something tragic, something unfortunate, wrested the relationship in two. Small wonder she would be upset. I make no excuses for what transpired, or that either of us covered ourselves in glory in the process. But goddess... yanno, not so deep down inside, there is still caring, still wishing for her to be well, to find a good space in life. And a whole lot of guilt at having been the root cause of so much hurt.

How could one ever feel a need to joke about things like stalking, abuse, and domestic violence? About someone you supposedly once loved so deeply? In a world where it borders on pandemic, there is no humour to be found there. It does however, say much about the idiot wearing such a comment on his sleeve.

Identity and obligation

On nursepam's recommendation, I've visited phat mommy's blog and made off with her first workshop topic. I'm skipping any further preliminary banter, and it's on to the workshop questions.

Workshop Topic #1: Identity & Obligation

Do you control which parts of your identity are exposed?

I used to, in fact lived for 48 years, 9 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days pretending to be someone I was not in actuality. From 1998 until the 28 August, 2003, the outer shell I began to craft probably from birth, was increasingly deconstructed, finally meeting it's demise on my mom's 75th birthday.

In that seven year period, there were two identities, and both were evolving. There was the one behind closed doors and online, where I probed the secret spaces of who and what I am. And there was the public personna, the one morphing by the other explorations, changing from average male to androgynous person, to one increasingly unstable and susceptible, growing weaker as the other personna gained knowledge of self, of a right to exist, of in fact laying claim to the entire being that is in fact me.

Now it is all one, this is me, there is no need to hide any part of me. It's been almost 3 years since fully coming out; coming out as transgendered woman, coming out as gay woman. I stand for my community and don't shy from such things. What I do shy from is the consequences of the transformation process. Shy from and simultaneously carry much guilt.

Do you feel an obligation to represent for your gender, race or culture?

Obligation to represent, no. A desire to represent some parts of me, yes. I feel no racial pull, but I do feel a decidedly strong gender and as well as the pull of the overall lgbt community.

I know some wonder why it is I'm not more actively involved with transgender issues; it's not a lack of desire to represent this community, it's more... crossing gender lines is a rather unique thing to do, it does not compare well to say... going from being Catholic to pagan.

When one crosses gender lines, it's to finally bring body in tune with mind, and from my perspective, it is mind which calls the shots on who we are. I gladly assist anyone who is need and who might be referred to me. My therapist has done this twice along the way. But it's also not my intent to wear a big "I'm transgendered!" sign upon me when out and about. I don't shy from it, everyone I work with knows, but... it need not be proclaimed to the universe.

Conversely, I hold dear to feminism and to the lgbt community, particularly the 'L" of that acronym, a community that by and large saw me through the transformation, providing comfort, and where needed, nurturing. To me... if a community can be home, this one is such, not by choice, but by feeling... it just feels as this is where I belong. Naturally.   

Do you feel you’re not allowed to comment on issues facing a group to which you don’t belong?

Tough question to answer. Frequently I willingly face opinion hostile to the feminist or lgbt community. Everyone has a right to opinion. I feel my responses can play a role in changing minds, perhaps not of the responder/challenger, but of those on the periphery lurking, who might have no concrete opinion.

Even with groups to which I *do* belong, there are things I'm unqualified to address. As a transgender woman, I've not had the experiences most women have as they go through life. Mine have been different. So there are things I'd never feel comfortable holding an opinion on or giving voice to. But on other things say... equality, choice, on how society views women or lgbt folk, yeah... my voice will be heard. There is so very much we don't know, and really what we do know is the smallest of fractions compared to the unknown.

How do you decide what aspects of your identity you will reveal in your blog: culture, sexual orientation, political ideology, religion?

One thing that comes with my writing... what you see is what is in my head. There was that painful metamorphosing process where it took a sometimes very excrutiating look within, prompted by sometimes contentious discussion without, to get here. Having been so very secretive about my inner thoughts, deconstructing almost 5 decades of learned behaviour was in restrospect, something that should have taken those 5 plus years.

How do you feel about using your real name? Your childrens’ names?

Using my real name online? I have for years, at least in part. The name used here is in fact nickname, one by which I am known at work. I'd never put my complete name out here, and I am also careful when referring to my children... they are written of as *R* and *K.* There are safety issues that require a very pragmatic and prudent usage. Behind the scenes, probably most who read this space do in fact know my identity.

If you blog about your race, religion, etc, - or even a personally difficult time of your life - do you feel it opens you (and your family) up to attack and/or do you feel it is a wonderful way to promote acceptance and diversity?

It's a gamble to be sure. I've been criticised, told I'm a woman wannabe, a failed male, someone who overcompensates in holding dear feminism, had one co-worker ask another how it feels to work with 'it,' etc. I've even been challenged on this blog on who exactly I am, and how I represent, my level of involvement and connection. Such things don't bother me, I might engage to a point, but most often try to stay true to my greater goal of moving our community onward and upward.

I am at heart a private person. I'm also one who is self taught (with much guidance) on digging within and pulling out what is pertinent, what is hidden. There are those who deserve thanks for this... Denise, , a redhead, Shannon, my sis, and someone who had huge impact, who told me their name with the qualifier "me and 5,000,000 German Shepards!" (have that name.) They each opened unique doors, sometimes asking, sometimes questioning, sometimes pushing, sometimes enlightening, sometimes giving me clarity of vision. Others helped to be sure, and the list could go on quite a spell, but those five (I can't count) were key contributors really, touching my life in unique and wonderful ways. Others simply were there to support... a skeet, a Jen, a sassymonkey, an at times undocumented multinational we shall call lav, Janet, Vanda, Bethy, and so many others.

In the end, I do have need to and believe in be(ing) heard, or to at least get it out of my head, thus the theme for the blog is Linda Perry's "just to get it out what's in my head."

Christine Jorgensen

I've been rather reticent to read transgender themed books, and know it makes you-know-who quite frustrated with me, but it's a matter of personal comfort - the subject makes me squeamish.

Oh, I've read a few, one a basics for those not transgendered to enlighten them; Drag King Dreams (see book categories) and Middlesex to name three...

there is a subject I'd like to read on, and it plays to the draw history holds for me... a bio of Christine Jorgensen.

Christine was the first to light my path. I'd guess it was 1965 or so, she made an appearance on The Merv Griffin Show, and I sat transfixed. That would put me somewhere around 9 years of age, with little knowledge of anything beyond my immediate world, other than general political doings.

It's not hard to guess what was going through my mind... a very bright light bulb had been lit, even though the lesson didn't quite register. It placed in me some sort of diffuse inner hope. And so I'd like to know more about this remarkable human being, my interest piqued all the more by a rare audiotape of Christine being interviewed... in the late 1950's.

It's a lengthy interview, but she comes across as worldly, astute, and ahead of her time. If you are interested in some insight into lgbt life and one person's view almost 50 years ago, I urge you to listen.

Christine Jorgensen Interviews