Several moments ago I read nursepam's She Waits For Me At The Rainbow Bridge, a brilliant remembrance of Maggie that left me not with two or three tears upon my face, but a full fledged deluge.
This posting is intended to be acknoldgement of her moving post, celebration of a life, and support for a friend.
On 26 March, our longtime friend Sparkles left this earth. Just over 12 at the time, Sparkles was a shy kitty, but he was friendly and loving. He died in my arms on that day, as did all but one of our friends along the way. Little did I know at the time, but barely a month later, another member of our family, Logan... a super sweet, gentle, kind, loving, lived for children half Lab and half Newfie... would also go to rest in my arms.
In my grief on 26 March, I emailed Shannon, a dear friend, whom I discovered a year or two ago had actually saved my own remembrance of Logan, this a private one sent to Shannie. And amazingly, though my computer crashed and lost it long ago, she has sent it to me once again.
These are my words, unedited, with all of the errors. My words written when the tears were so heavy and clouded I could not see the screen. My fingers... hitting keys seemingly randomly, working strictly on the power of emotion.
This... is for Pam, and it is for Maggie. From Sparkles. From Logan. Licorice. Cinder. And Candy.
I am always amazed when I read about we know or are learning about the universe.
According to the most prevalent theory, everything we know and see was once inside an infinitely small point, a one dimensional object, that exploded and expanded into what we see.
But the most amazing were to come after that.
Just when you would think nature could not top itself, matter began to form. It cooled and condensed into atoms, which began to clooect together. These were simple atoms, one proton, one electron; hydrogen.
Some of the hydrogen collected together, to such a point that it affected the atoms at a molecular level, and stars were born. The stars burned brightly, until their atomic fuel was spent. They collapsed inward, and in so ding nature again topped itself.
As the stars collpased inward, more complex atoms were formed. Depending on the size of the star, a different type of process would occur. in the biggest implosions, atoms with nuclei with up to 92 protons were made. As the explosion continued, this new matter was spewed into space.
Again, nature topped itself. Some of this matter coalesced together, some combining with atoms with a different number of protons, producing molecules, and some combining with atoms with a like number, producing elements.
Some of the hydrogen and helium again collected together, and new stars were born. These new generation of stars gathered with thir gravity some of the other material around them. This material itself loosely combined together, and planets were born.
But nature would soon top itself again.
On these planets, complex chemicals were developing. We know of only a few such places where such reactions occurred, but it is only because of our limited tools that we don't know of more.
In one particular place, some of the chemicals developed could actually replicate themselves. They in turn adapeted to the environment they were in, and made more and more of themselves. Those that developed traits that thrived in the conditons they were in became plentiful.
And nature was only beginning.
As time went on, the new chemicals became very complex. They became organic. They developed into multi celled creatures. They adapted to the changing conditions, and thrived. Each change brought ever more evolution. Creatures developed sex as a way of insuring a large gene pool, which would maximize the species ability to adapt to changing conditons.
And nature stil had more amazing things to come.
All kinds of species developed. Some of the species began to develop the ability to work together, to protect each other.
And they learned to care for one another, to love one another, to question where they came from, and what is out there, anywhere.
They became aware.
Out of one infinitely small point of origin, matter developed, and combined in such a way that it was capable of adapting, helping other matter, and loving.
Those that think we are all alone, think about that.
That is not why I write this.
Not only can that recombined matter love others like itself, it can love other, different combinations of that matter.
For almost 12 years, I have lived with one such combination, different from me in many ways, alike in many others.
He first came to be with us in September 1988, when we were at the Tunbridge Fair in Tunbridge Vermont
.
We had lost a family member in March of that year to feline leukemia, a loving friend named Cinder who had been with us 7 years. His loss left a void, and at the fair, we rectified that. We brought home a new family member, one that actually resembled out lost one.
He was soon named Sparkles.
Sparkles was wonderful. A little skittish and shy, he nevertheless made himself at home. He never teased for food, unlike the pooch and other kitty.
Unfortunately, two weeks after he joined us, our other long time (9 years) family member Candy Cane (Candice P. Cane) to a neighborhood dog.
I was devastated.
Two years went by, and another kitty joined us. Licorice.
For 10 years we were all together. The two cats were very close, as was Logan
(the pooch) and Sparkles.
Sparkles would enlist Logan
each morning to take care of his morning bathing chores, and Logan
usually obliged happilly. I always found this to be quite comical, a "you get your tongue full of hair" Garfieldesque strategy on Sparkles part.
In the last few months, Sparkles lost much weight because he would usually throw up after eating. I finally called the veterinarian a couple of weeks ago, and discussed it. They thought it sounded like a thyroid problem.
I got sidetracked, and finally scheduled an appointment for this Monday to have him examined. A thyroid problem would be easily treatable.
What I had not noticed was that he bagan not feeling well even as I made the appointment. Saturday morning I noticed for the firtst time he was not active. By Saturday night, we knew he had not eaten, not moved at all since morning, and was lying on a bureau. When I went to bed that night, he would get up every few minutes and stretch, and lie down again.
At 2:00 AM, he was on Terry, and woke her up. As shew awoke, he fell off of her, off of the bed, and landed on the floor on his side. He crawled under the bed, and I got him out, wrapped him in a towel, and brought him to an emergency animal hospital.
He was breathing rapidly, and gasping.
The vet took one look at him and took him away, to give him oxygen.
They took x-rays.
Not good.
He was suffering form congestive heart failure, with a huge amount of fluids in his chest cavity. It was possible he also had massive tumors in there, but they could not differentiate betwen the fluid and the potential tumors.
He had a 10% chance of surviving a few more hours.
The decision was made.
As we waited for the vet, as I wanted to be with him, she burst in to say, "We are losing him!", and i followed her into the emergency room. Another cat was in there yawling, I had thought that was him the whole time, fighting.
He was lying on his side, gasping.
I put my hand under his head. I patted him. I kissed him.
20 seconds later, Sparkles was gone.
He might be gone as I knew him, but he will never truly be gone.
You see, I believe in God.
Oh, I am not a Bible thumping type preaching at you. rather I know what I believe.
I look at all that has come before. How nature seems to top itself at every turn.
From a infinitely small point of nothing, came a person who could be aware of all this, who could love another life form one tenth their size, and be loved back. Unconditionally.
All of that evolution so complex, so wondrous, continually more spectacular than what has come before, has to have a purpose.
Sparkles, I love you and always will.
There are lots of life forms I have known that you are now with. Give em my love, and have fun!
ray
