swim beyond the imagery

Safe space

I'm rapidly reaching the conclusion safe space is an illusion. If we wish to be safe, then we have to be wise in our choices of where we - wait a minute...

it makes me crazy when some argue how we dress, or where we go might be contributory to sexual assault...

yet here I am about to conclude we are only as safe as the cyber bubble we carve out for ourselves, moment by moment.

No space can be completely safe, because we are all free thinking beings, and at any given moment someone might surface that doesn't much care for me for my looks, my gender, my orientation...

but my idealist inclinations and my overall optimism keeps telling me we can create our own safe spaces.

I'm inclined to play on places where there is debate, and debate is not always conducive to I'm ok, you're ok interaction. On those spaces, perhaps it is not safe space, but rather allies who give us some semblance of safety.

Both have taken heavy hits over the past two weeks. In one instance, people who are normally allies of the lgbt community expressed misgivings - rather strongly - over Day of Silence, professing that DOS should be left at the door of a classroom. Interestingly, the National Education Association has info on DOS on their website - advocating in a positive way. No mention of leaving silence at the door. Please don't claim unconditional support for the lgbt community if you then remove one of the few ways a student can positively express their support for an end of ill treatment of gay folk.

And within dyke space itself, sad doings I simply won't bother going into. Suffice it is to say I've had to walk away from a community that was rapidly disintegrating into unequal subsets of the once vibrant and larger community. It saddens me that things could not be worked out, that my concerns were not seen as valid... and I thank another for standing by me at the price of her own involvement. Thank you.

I'll be taking my mind elsewhere in a few moments, but... for those of you who are accepting, who have given me a safe place, who have encouraged, perhaps prodded, hugged, perhaps mildly rebuked, loved, nurtured, given and accepted friendship and such... thank you.

Daily dyke - out of the old, a new lesbian message board

A quick note on daily dyke, one of three replacement boards that are the children of the technodyke forum closed at midnight, Pacific time 6 April 2008.

The board is in its nascent stage, but has been doing very well. It is active, it is fun, it is entertaining, it is informative. Come on over and pay a visit, you might stay around a while.

Technodyke passing

Today is the day an old friend passes from usage.

So much has been brought to my life via the interactions on technodyke, but after over 8 years, the forum has run its course. I'm obviously emotional about this day. I'd like to take a moment to extend thanks to Stacy for what she created and brought to so many lives, and to those who did the technical work to keep it all running. Good thoughts flow to all I've met there who have become friends, and to 3 in particular who have touched my life in so very many nice ways. As usual, you know who you are :)

From old life comes new life, rebirth and a move towards what is next in life. You have read of my recent experiences, and so too will all who came to love the place find good things to move toward to. More to be written on new life in the next posting.

So goodbye my friend, big yellow. What you have brought me will be with me forever.

Technodyke - a lesbian, dyke, message board - and more

The website has really been there for me as my life evolved and crossed gender lines. I'm not quite sure what things would have been like without its presence, and that is why it is a topic today.

The technodyke forums are now rather down the google search lists. Stacy is a sweetheart, but also has other things which occupy her time. So I'm doing my little part to help the board come up more prominently in search listings.

If you think the title is weird, it is designed to have search engines grab such search info and toss it prominently onto the results page.

All are welcome on the board, so long as you respect those around you there.

I'm now past 5 years as a member, and consider it an invaluable resource in my life.

How public, how private?

There are times when I'm of a mood to delve into the issues that face me, from my children to my tg issues. Then there are times when I could wall myself off and never wish to utter another word.

As we move toward the holiday season, this is where past most haunts present. There are no happy, laughing children trying to ferret out hints of what might lie under the tree. There is no hectic schedule of getting them out the door and off to visit grandparents. There is no lively banter in the car. And the nostalgic smells of Thanksgiving no longer ply a place I call home.

It's hard to visit other family on this day, because part of my family is missing. I do everything possible to avoid thinking on it, but the reminders are everywhere.

During this time, my mind stumbles downward, and bounces back up. It becomes a roller coaster ride emotionally, because I've emotional ballast that inevitably right my ship, albeit leaving me a bit dizzy. So I'll go silent, then decide to talk. Hide away, then show up.

Of the issues in my life, what was once hardest to talk about is now easiest. What was once easiest is hardest. I learned to pull out the tg stuff, learned to admit all to all the sorry shit that stirred within. Conversely, my children - always an automatic way to start a conversation with me - became something to venture into carefully, because indiscriminate delving into the topic could lay bare nerve endings I just as soon stay covered.

So if I disappear for a day or two or three, worry not, I'll be back. And to my children, one newly married, may the coming holiday season be a wonderful one.

Fracture

So the title misrepresents the issue; you cannot fracture something that has never been whole to begin with.

It would be nice to think that feminists and lgbt folk were in complete solidarity, standing with one another to overcome the lingering prejudice that lurks basically throughout the world. It would also be fantasy.

We see stay at home moms and working women war over what each brings forth to move equal rights forward, a fight that's been waging for what seems like forever. In the lgbt community, all too often the letters are like putting two like magnetic poles together... they repel.

I've not played on many sites that might have given me a clearer picture of the divisions that exist, and yeah... I've known they were there, but that was somewhere else, not where I play, namely technodyke,  and on occasion, iVillage.

It was these communities, and specific people I met on them that helped me get through seeing my issues and finding a way through them.

So it is I am dismayed to see a lesbian board struggling with whether transmen who are attracted to men should post there. I've heard some question whether transwomen should be allowed to be part of the board.

It's just my opinion, nothing more, but how will we ever make progress if sub-communities like Gingerbeer

Both feminism and being part of the lesbian community are important to me. I've long been a feminist, but walking into the lesbian community gave me the first real sense of belonging I've ever felt in my life. It's really hard to describe to others how it feels to be adrift for a lifetime, and then sense 'this is it!"

It's not up to me, they can congregate, associate, exclude, accept, as they wish... but I'd sure like to see a bit more effort put into accomplishing what we expect hetero people to accomplish vis a vis the lot of us.
still have issues with gathering together? How can we convince greater society that we should be fully integrated and accepted? Yeah, I can join there, but do I wish to be involved knowing a significant number have this exclusionary view? Nah.

Debating issues on host sites

Once again, a message board is engaged in time honoured message board tradition, and board participants are whining about what board leaders and moderators do in the scope of their respective duties.

Do some folk have legitimate complaints and issues? They certainly do. No one is perfect, certainly not any of us. We may misread a post, we may misjudge intent, we may miss something that should not have been missed.

Have they ever privately messaged me to say we misunderstood, or perhaps they didn't say it the right way? Nope. Not one poster has ever emailed me to say they erred.

The leaders are volunteers - people who simply love the topic associated with that particular board. They are not paid to do this work, they do it because they believe in trying to make a difference.

We do not pull content because of the opinion contained therein. We do not try to slant discussion in one direction or another. We do try to see that each poster does not personally attack other posters, post hateful content, etc... it's in the rules.

Those on the left think the right gets away with everything. Those on the right think the left gets away with everything. And when a thread is pulled for review, inevitably the whining begins. Usually the whining comes from those least willing to be constrained by site rules. Many have been banned previously, and some... have been banned in double digit numbers of times.

And to further demonstrate their infantile mentality, they resurface in spiteful names meant to mock the hosts, the site, etc. They try to taunt, try to disrupt, all like schoolyard bullies who believe they cannot achieve a measure of acceptance by any other means.

Most posters do not act like recalcitrant ass holes. Most posters understand and respect the rules by which they are allowed to play on site. But there will always be those who believe no one has a right to tell them what to do, even if they are in the space of another. Most posters do not tell another poster to go fuck themselves. Most posters who get upset and say something they shouldn't apologise for their mistake.

I'm really tempted to say fuck it, it's just not worth it.

Back to class

If only for one night.

My therapist asked if I would be interested in speaking to her class of 8 women, this on Saturday night next. Of course... geesh, the me of 40 years ago would have fainted dead away at the very thought of my speaking publicly about being transgendered, gay etc.Never mind that twelve year old me, the me of 10 years ago would have fainted dead away.

What will we talk on? Absolutely no idea. But I very much like and trust N, and believe any speaking engagement on this subject is an important event. Minds are learning. I'm learning.

I'll report on the doings either Saturday night or on Sunday.

A poster resistant

Over the last several days, a discussion has played out on this forum, in the Posting ridiculous threads post.

There has been frank discussion, but in the end, what I attempted to do failed.

There has been ongoing board drama wherein a banned poster resurfaces, does battle with my co-host and occasionally me, gets banned anew, only to reform under a new guise.

I'd love to have ended this, bringing the poster into light of day, because he is intelligent and passionate about politics.

There is one big problem. He is as bad as George Bush at admitting a fault or an error, which means... he is incapable of doing so.

He will cite the transgressions of my co-host, failing to understand she is not the one banned here, he is. He fails to understand that I - we - have no obligation to resolve this issue, to give him a chance, to present him with absolution and that elusive light of day.

I had to start reigning in things a bit, because the discussion, which should have focused forward, started degenerating into who did what when.

Simple conditions were laid out... apologise for telling my co-host to go fuck herself on a public forum, apologise to the board, and to iVillage. Then promise to behave going forward, to be respectful of others, and to identify to me who he was.

He could not agree to this. Excuse me? You cannot find it in you to apologise for telling another to fuck owf?

It surely looks like he has more in common with George Bush, and funny... he loathes George Bush. 

Posting ridiculous threads

I'm just come from a message board where a poster has started a thread called 'male ho's.'

It's about an event held on the White House lawn on the National Day of Prayer, and how it was sparsely attended. It mentions how it's host once had nude photos of himself put forth on the internet.

Yeah, sounds like compelling political discussion to me.

Not.

As a message board host, we try to raise the level of discussion, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, we fail.