swim beyond the imagery

Grossing out the home folk

There always seems to be something stirring in the springtime.

High schoolers are prom and graduation bound, and all too predictably, virtually every year there is an lgbt story associated with one or both of these annual rituals.

Usually we have stories of taking a same sex date to the prom, or a student having the audacity to cast off the gender society has assigned to them. This time around, the catalyst is in the photos - yearbook photos.

It seems students in Clovis NM decided to take pics of various couples for inclusion in their yearbook. Some parents in the community, out to demonstrate that parents can indeed be more immature than students, called the photographs of same sex couples 'disgusting.'

You can see a couple of the pictures by following links within that article.

I'm tired of ignorant ass holes making a big deal about something so damn innocent - and actually life affirming. Thank goodness younger folk grasp what these folk seem incapable of - that love between consenting adults is a desirable, not undesirable thing. It is hate we need to cast away.

I'm not sure what I'd say to that parent. I'd hope if such a moment came that anger would not manifest, that reason would trump shouting down. Time is on our side. It may not move as fast as we like, but the future looks promising.

Reiki, level two

I've waited a couple of days before writing this post, as I needed time to let things settle in. A couple of days of work, one (today) exclusively spent with someone fresh out of training, helping him get on a good pathway in work.

The reason for the need for settling is simple. Level two, despite a warning from another, overwhelmed my emotions. Said warning came from someone on iVillage, who has also been through both levels. Her advice was simple: take the next day off if you can, because your emotions will be running high.

After training ended, I wrote a response giving details of the day, and that emotionally I was fine. F-i-n-e sort of fine, and just didn't know it. An hour later, I did... and sent another response, with update.

Saturday was very interesting, and bonds were built. An hour or so in on Sunday, and I should have realised where the day was headed. As I observed and then drew one symbol, this overwhelming feeling I've drawn it countless times came over me, stronger than any deja vu experience - I just flat out *know* I've done this, and that left me on that level of heightened senses through the day.

Saturday's work left no time for a full reiki session on me, as we did my classmates. So Sunday was my turn, and that... is where things went mildly wild emotionally. Ah, but why? Damn if I know...

People were talking on seeing colour on occasion, for me there was nothing like that, but hey... I don't need that to appreciate this. So I'm on the table, two students and two Masters start in and... several minutes in, I started to see some blue. Not solid blue, intermittent not quite dotted, but you get the idea. And my first inclination was "yeah, right nelle... your mind is doing this, and so you can see whatever colour you wish to see." So I tried to change the colour, don't even know what colour was chosen as replacement. And it stayed blue. ruh roh. So kewl, we'll go with the flow, and eventually it was a mint green then a moment of yellow, and finally a very dull violet. At this point, I am spectator in my own mind. Nothing unusual there ;-)

OK, time to get on my back... and everyone starts in anew. The instructor did my shoulder blade area, and this is when spectator gets a bit overwhelmed. The other stuff already had me in a mild state emotionally, no biggie... but when my shoulder blade area started feeling like I was in a chiropractors office with electrical stimulation, albeit what I was feeling was far more subtle, I almost said something, but kept my mouth shut until the after.

Hey, maybe the furnace came on and I was too dumb and lost in things to notice ;-) but the timing was pretty awesome if it was, rofl. And it is funny - in the days since, I've talked to people who have done this (and of which I was unaware) and this is one of the first things they inquire on, the stuff felt during that time. And their words make me laugh like hell, because the memory carried is so intense.

When I left there for the day,  my emotions were at a very high and wonderful level - this was something that suddenly burst into my life over the last few months, and well, it has already changed me psychologically. If nothing else, that part is wondrous. My view of everything is so different.

This all started with my therapist, and my message to her was simply - this has changed my life forever. I know not where it will take me, maybe this is it, who knows? What I do know is that the reason for pursuing it to begin with - namely my needing more than therapy to heal - was hugely impacted. It has given me a quiet confidence where there was tentativeness or even skittishness, better able to manage and in fact move past the overwhelming guilt that sometimes comes to me. Heck, I've already had a  dream centred on reiki. Four days in and that just seems astounding to me. In point of fact, the dream was Sunday night.

Most who know me know Sue Monk Kidd's Dance Of The Dissident Daughter had a huge impact upon me. Huge. Yet Dance was passively but rather goose 'bumpily' read over days, a couple of weeks, over my breaks.

This... was two 9 hour days of intensive, active, involvement. All in all, a wonderful blessing that, as usual, comes at the exact right time.

One more thing... this is the 6th anniversary of my April Fool's Day melt down, the day I finally admitted out loud to being a trannie. And... funny, while I remember this as happening, it isn't an overwhelming memory any longer. :)

Mobility approaching

Of course I knew it was coming. How does one fail to know where the calendar lies in relation to the life of one's child?

I've been well aware of the approaching date - well aware over the last few years, anticipating its arrival, offering my services in the training.

16 is coming. Drivers ed. Children with greater freedom. Mobility. Responsibility.

Every parent both relishes their next step to adulthood; every parent fears making it through this time. I'm no different.

I'd love to be involved in teaching K to drive. I taught her older sis, and relished the trust developed, even as she was occasionally frustrated over driving a manual. Ultimately, license in hand, the cars she has purchased to date are manuals. :)

With K, there is an added element of worry. With diabetes as a complication, with a history of severe reactions, I worry over low blood glucose. It is essential she carry something she can ingest that will quickly raise blood sugar. K is a very happy soul, always a smile, always go with the flow, and sometimes I worry this can impact knowing she has to eat regularly.

It is kewl we are here, but I'd feel a whole lot more confident if directly involved in the education of our young driver.

Training starts in 3 weeks. I've agreed to pay for training, gladly. Everything else is not up to me.

Planned Parenthood - children, cover your eyes and ears?

I'm reading our local paper. I'm reading on the latest contrived controversy - Manchester Schools Probe Controversial Field Trip. Did you know a YMCA programme for at risk children - S.T.A.Y. - brought children to a *gasp* Planned Parenthood? Where there were pro life demonstrators?

Now... I'd bet a fair amount of doughnut fare that the reaction is not over the mouthy protestors, but rather over the services a PP might offer. I mean, they actually educate on protection and planning, and that is simply unconscionable.

Anyway, here is a brief blurb from Parkside Middle School in Manchester:

The S.T.A.Y. Program (Support, Tutoring, and Adventures for Youth) is an on-going collaboration between the Greater Manchester Family YMCA and the Manchester School District. providing a support system for students in middle school who are at risk of dropping out and turning to substance abuse, violence, and other at-risk behavior.

Gee, these kids, on the cusp of or already into puberty, have no need to know how their bodies work, and how to self-protect, right? They can all be as ignorant as I was at their age (and older) and blissfully go through adolescence thinking their body has gone haywire.

This sort of nonsense was ended with parental notification as this state has repealed it's law, but now some noisemakers wish to make this an issue. Anytime someone says or does anything that relates to our sexuality in any way, shape, or form, people get all anal. Jocelyn Elders was run out of the Surgeon General position for daring to suggest masturbation be a viable alternative placed before adolescents.Makes me crazy.

The mayor has to join in and  say we can't have this. Yes, we can. Stop trying to make ignoramuses out of  our young.  

Back to class

If only for one night.

My therapist asked if I would be interested in speaking to her class of 8 women, this on Saturday night next. Of course... geesh, the me of 40 years ago would have fainted dead away at the very thought of my speaking publicly about being transgendered, gay etc.Never mind that twelve year old me, the me of 10 years ago would have fainted dead away.

What will we talk on? Absolutely no idea. But I very much like and trust N, and believe any speaking engagement on this subject is an important event. Minds are learning. I'm learning.

I'll report on the doings either Saturday night or on Sunday.

Nineteen Minutes More

Just a brief conclusion to the original Nineteen Minutes posting.

I finished the book today, and well... it was better than I thought, easily the best of the three Jodi books I've read. I love books that you do not wish will end, that will continue onward, giving you more, sharing the future, studying the periphery, each and every affected life.

Unfortunately, what we get is what is within the 455 or so pages, and given that packaging, well... a wonderful, but intense read.

If you read, get this on your reading list. If you are a parent, make extra time for your kidlets. If you are an educator, be more in touch with the signals sent by students, to you, to each other, to the universe. And if you are a part of society *cough* each and every one of us can work to put the whole tragedy of bullying, of looking down upon because of being different, to the rear view mirror of history.

If you have interest in what Jodi has to say about the writing of this book, you can do so here Jodi on Nineteen Minutes

Nineteen Minutes

My timing was impeccable.

On 11 April, I wandered north, braving a snowfall in order to pick up Jodi Picout's Nineteen Minutes. The book was first opened the next day, my latest work read. It was intense from the beginning, and it was typical Picoult - expect to be presented with hard choices, flawed characters, human characters, no win scenarios, and a troubling place left in one's mind about the issue raised. She is a master of taking a contentious issue, bringing it front and center before you, immersing you in the story, trying to figure out as the characters do, what it all means for those involved - and for us in life.

At 3:30 that day, I left to head for electrology. My car radio is set to NPR, and with a turn of the ignition, it was NPR surround sound. A shooting. A school shooting. 32 dead in the shooting. Jodi had already grabbed my throat, and now real life was shaking me, robbing me of oxygen.

We all know the details. What we don't know is the history, which we can surmise, if we let Jodi paint the picture for us. And oh, does she. Folks, read the book.

In my opinion, Jodi is the best author in this state. Better than Salinger, better than Dan Brown. She takes the complexity of human existence, human emotion, human controversy, and she does what life does... does not paint happy endings, only lives that might still be left that must cope with the altered existence brought about by whatever topic is her particular exploration in that work.

I'm 360 pages in, roughly 100 to go. I've read Tenth Circle and The Pact. I refuse to read My Sister's Keeper, a subject that would rip me six ways from Sunday. The Pact, which introduced the same defence attorney as appears in Nineteen Minutes, also showed life in it's most unforgiving and hurtful, people trying to rebuild, or at least hold together shattered lives by senseless but all too real tragedy.

In Nineteen, Jodi shows how a Columbine shooting comes to be. What takes a human being and strips them of their humanity - was it them, or was it us? Was it never present at all, or was it stolen from them? Were they made into villains, or did they aspire to the role?

The answer seems to be we all play a role. Every slight, every ignoring, every I've no time for this now adds to the collective pile of hurt until one day the weight snaps the truss holding it all. Parents, siblings, schoolmates, friends... none are perfect, all are flawed. Some pay with their lives, some pay with their memories.

There is the principal who believed the school was on top of school bullying. The cool kids who stand on the backs of their classmates to reach their illusory pinnacle. The parents who missed the love craving signals. And those parents extend beyond the one who carries out the act to others who were also victims. How connected are we to our children? Ask me, the estranged one.

I know not how the book will end. I do know that no one comes out unscathed, any of the characters... or the reader.

Another week, another misguided principal

What is it with principals? Is it something viral school administrators catch at conventions?

I speak of the questionable decisions that play out year after year in school districts around the country. They appear at random. One year a few schools will ban same sex couples from the prom. Or ban someone with gender dysphoria from attending in their actual gender. Lately, the stupidity is eminating out of denouncing valid educational policy or programs of merit.

11 days ago, I wrote of More Vagina Madness. Less than two weeks later, Dr. Yoder of Woodlan Junior-Senior High School in Indiana supended Amy Sorrell, faculty advisor to the student paper, because student Megan Chase wrote an editorial encouraging inclusion and acceptance of gay students. You can read the actual editorial here.

The illustrious principal, the second one in a month, showed his controlling nature, and acted based on perceived defiance. Sigh. And he showed it by pronouncing inclusion and respect for other students "controversial."

What's with having full editorial control? Why have an advisor, why not handle it yourself, Dr. Yoder? And what's with considering being nice to others as something controversial? What's with commentary some students are not mature enough to be aware of the isues involved? Oh, the ewwwww factor, your thinking about gay sex again. Go figure.

We must be legendary in our bedroom prowess. Legendary. Why in hell would people continually judge these issues based on inappropriateness, if not for thinking about what we do in bedrooms (or whatever clever place we can think up.) If they think about it to this extent, well... they must be in awe for some reason.

Every time one of these principals/administrators takes such action, one thing is absolutely certain: the school district just got a nice, big bill. Wouldn't you think word would quickly spread to the various administrators nationwide that dumb actions lead to lawsuits that people win?

If I were a clever administrator, facing say... a lot of boomers retiring this June (right here in this city) I'd have a light bulb over my head about now... with a phone call to Amy asking if she would be interested in interviewing. Amy showed foresight and a good judgement, and surely she is worth chatting with.

A twist of pissed

I've been rather remiss in my blog wanderings lately. I hate it when I'm wrapped up in other doings, finally set out to catch up, and find we've lost another worthy voice.

Some of you are familiar with the blog Mocha Momma. Mocha was a wonderful and important voice in the blogosphere, one who brought intelligence, wit, humour, an insight into life, and wrapped that all into a gracious and welcoming personna that has on occasion showed itself here.

So it was my catching up led to my finding she has gone away. I can only begin to guess at the actual circumstance, but I've an eerie hunch as to what has transpired.

As an education professional who in fact was sort of a coach to and resource for educators, she could grace our schools any time. And they would immediately gain from her presence. How I'd love my daughters to have had someone like her in their schools. How a school can be shortsighted and petty is beyond me, but unfortunately, knowing a veritable herd of educators, know it is all too frequent and common an occurrence.

I am saddened on this night, adding in a twist of pissed.

Mocha, if ya ever have need to throw a comment out here surreptitiously, let me know, you can have free guest access anytime you desire.

Be well, and those thoughts mentioned in farewell on your space... are heading on out, awaiting their alightening to where you are.

My thanks for having had the chance to see a little part of your world.

More vagina madness

What is it about Eve Ensler's brilliant production that, many years after she initially produced the Vagina Monologues, create news stories?

Is it women finding empowerment and sisterhood by gathering to watch and participate together? Is it the cutting edge stories of lives lived and issues faced? How about simply having a memorable experience that makes one laugh and perhaps cry?

Unfortunately, lately it seems to be none of these things. We've run into one production being called the HooHaa Monologues, and now students in Cross River, NY were suspended for a day. Their transgression? Why... they uttered the word 'vagina' upon a public stage.

The school's principal, one unenlightened Richard Leprine claims the suspension was not for saying vagina, but for violating a promise made not to say vagina.

Oh, I see. That makes all the difference. Not. Yassee Richard, the promise was extracted from the students because you first asked them to refrain from saying the word. Let's be clear on this... you... asked three young women not to mention a body part that is a rather intricate part of them. Why? Because you knew some would be skittish, that you as the principal, would face uncomfortable questions from those who think hoohaa and peepee are the better way to go in terminology. Oh, and by the way, why do they have to talk about these things, anyway?

When these situations unfold, the answer to that is simply to know the action/reaction they have brought forth is in fact prima facie evidence of why the production is essential, compelling, and relevant.

I have a rather sad history with the Monologues, having been denied in my attempts to attend the original production. My ex wished no part of me at such an event, for obvious reasons... to do so was to further along this silly gender dysphora thing I've got going on. I can understand why it is it would scare her. By the time I was divorced and had talked my sis into seeing it if it returned to Boston, it was done touring as a major production.

And it was on April Fool's Day 2002 that a discussion relating to the Monologues, holding a mirror to one's vagina, sent me into uncontrollable shaking and a need to finally announce out loud my gender issues were consuming me alive, and needed to be dealt with.

So sight unseen, there is an emotional attachment here. If one of the students were my child, I'd be standing right alongside them, proud they found the courage to give voice to a word others have issue with - and should not.

By the way, if you would like to voice your opinion, I am sure Richard would like to hear from you: rleprine@klschools.org