swim beyond the imagery

Comes June

June, the first of the 3 months considered summer in the north of east.

I'm now fully 24 days post surgery. I've been back to work since 19 May. The cast and stents were taken off and out 17 days ago. And today is the first day I've felt close to normal.

I'm uncertain why, but my spatial sense was thrown off by surgery, by medication, by anaesthesia.  Perhaps it was the saline solution that had to be regularly squirted up each nostril until it swished and drained out either the other or out my mouth. Lovely. ;-)

I finally put an end to that yesterday, upon leaving work (where I would ritually do this in the restroom, several times each workday.) And today... much better.

Oh, it is still tender to much of a touch, but things are looking up. The results are great, and the worst is over. Weather permitting, I'll be able to tackle the lawn tomorrow, giving it a weekly buzz cut. Monday I'll resume walking on my lunch hour. And I'm well into the new diet, it has become routine.

Healing energy in the news

Just came across a story on SFGate on Energy therapy: Where mysticism meets science.

It is interesting to watch how we are moving toward a place where we recognise the world we see is not quite structured as our senses record it. Sort of like a car, what we see is the body, a part of the car that really has more to do with aesthetics than with the actual functioning of the car. Remove it, and we see there is quite a bit going on that is usually well hidden.

The fact is, energy therapies have impact. I personally cannot write enough on how my life was lacking a final element to heal, that when the realisation finally came, when I found Reiki, what was missing was... found. It has had a huge impact on my life. It empowers me when challenged by some issue. It empowers me when another is hurting, giving me a means to silently do something.

The various methodologies of energy healing, and there are many, are increasingly an everyday presence in our health facilities in this region.  There is  physical impact, there is psychological impact.  There is an expressed approach of working with medical professionals as part of a healing team - it can help make a health issue so much easier to face and deal with, all without creating dilemmas in choice of care approach.

It is interesting that the Bay Area - a place traditionally seen as leading the curve in new unconventional things, is now just moving towards seeing this as a worthy thing in care.

It has been... 57 days since certifying level II in Reiki, and it remains my firm belief embracing it changed my life. I'll see my therapist in 10 days, and cannot wait to talk on this subject - our first visit since we discussed my move to learn Reiki.

Agreement and authorisation - health update

My physician has given the go ahead to my request to control my elevated cholesterol level through diet and exercise.

Nothing earth shattering in what I will do, and am well into the change of mode already. My diet is shifting towards vegetables, fruits, and grains. Not tough to do since I love veggies, and strangely I won't miss the crap I have been eating. I'm also doing things like supplementing foods with ground flax seed. As mentioned in my other post, this is just my going back to what things were like before - with some improvements.

As for the exercise part, nope... I won't be working out, but I will be walking it out.

What is really nice is that the weight gain is going to be history. I've been forced to buy jeans, moving from size 10 to 12. I'm coming back, 10... so don't forget me.

Now for a nose update. The surgeon who did the nose work pronounced it successful when we met on Thursday, and there are no further follow up meetings planned. It will take 2 months to fully heal. Right now it is a bit sore where the trimming and breakage occurred.

On a final health note, my primary, along with the above OK, has officially gone on record I'm to have a colonoscopy. I've heard so many horror stories, this is one test I've been hiding in the weeds on, hoping to not be noticed. Gotcha.

Great.

Healing 1986, guide healing 2008

22 years ago, I was working behind my home.

It was in late June as I recall, and a rather warm Sunday. Several days before, I had driven to Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston in order to donate platelets to the son of T's employer, who was suffering from aplastic anemia.

Upon doing a preliminary check prior to donating, I was informed they could not allow me to donate. "You need to see your doctor as soon as possible." The doctor explained why "you have an irregular heartbeat."   Now that was a bit unnerving.

So I call a doctor. He gives me a Halter monitor to wear for 24 hours. I do, and return it to the doctor. That was Thursday. Three days later, I'm digging out the slope behind the house, which sets upon a hill. I'm doing this in order to create a level area for a future patio or some such creation. As I dig it out, a stone wall is also created to hold the part being filled.

As I worked, my chest began to hurt. I'm 5 days from this warning, 3 days from the Halter. I'm scared silly. We call the doctor, who informs us to get to the hospital in Nashua (40 minutes away) immediately. We go.

I walk into ER, tell them what is going on, and they immediately react in terms of a possible cardiac issue. In no time, I'm in a bed, hooked to machines, and... seeing the lines jump all over the place. "Yup, you've got something going on" a nurse muses. Open that sky door, I'm coming!

They run a blood test for enzyme evidence of a heart attack. They admit me. I'm moved to intensive care. I'm 31 years old. The monitor is unnerving, because each skipped beat is bothersome. If I lie still, it calms, if I start moving or stressing, badoop. Great.

My doc shows and tells me what will be happening going forward. Monday finds me undergoing various examinations through technological means. At some point in the day, the doc outlines where we are. "You haven't had a heart attack. I suspect you have an issue in the valves of your heart. He explains... sometimes the valve doesn't shut properly, and it leaks. This leaking can be heard - the murmur your family doctor told you about as a child. (My sister has this issue, and I know maybe a smidgeon about this.) If so, then we'll run a scan after you do the treadmill. A radioactive dye will be injected into you, and we'll trace it after you come off the treadmill." This will be done the next day. I'm relieved, more accurately... hopeful.

Relatives are all over the place. Two years before, my daughter was here - being born.

The next day, the test is run, and it is confirmed, but there is delay. I'm released on Thursday. I run into another doc, apparently an associate, who casts doubt on the diagnosis. I don't recall the words, but the way he said it left me with the impression he disagreed with my doctor. And it is this which leaves me spooked at length.

It impacts everything I do, most especially diet. Fatty foods are toast for me. Whole milk is gone. I'm a royal pain in the arse, diet wise.

And it pretty much stayed this way all through the 1990s, and into the new millennium, though with some moderation. And then came my  other meltdown, end of a relationship, moving out...

and a casting to the wind of any dietary caution.

In 2003, my cholesterol level was 149.

Two days ago, my endocrinologist sent me an update on my hormone levels. With it came a warning to contact my physician. Your cholesterol level is 259. Your bad cholesterol level is elevated. Your good cholesterol level is in normal range. He recommends medicating.

I really don't wish to medicate. So I wrote to my primary care physician, yet to receive a response, and outlined the issue. With it came my plan. I'm returning to my dietary methodology prior to meltdown, with some improvement and some room for creativity in food preparation. I intend to take this out through diet - providing my doctor approves, or lets me give it a try.

I'm not spooked, I'm disappointed in myself for getting so haphazard about this. I'm resolved. Past experience tells me I will do this, my inner self tells me I will stick to it. And I will make use of Reiki to keep me focused on my goal.

Recent and relevant imagery

Reiki I & II at the end of March, surgery on 7 May. Both have impacted my life a great deal.

I'm well into recovery mode now, and return to work tomorrow. I'm dragging slightly, but after spending several days drugged and sleeping, small wonder.

I've already put up a couple of photos from the day of surgery. I'm going to put up a few more, not that there will be any startling revelation in any of them.

If you excuse the graphic detail, the outside at this point is far more appealing than the inside. There is still occasional and slight bleeding, and this results in dried blood building up inside. What to do? Well... irrigate that nose, young woman. So thrice or more daily, I stand over sink, mouth open and downward, and squirt saline solution up into my nostrils, letting it run out through whatever passageway it first comes to.

That is followed by peroxide swabbing. Grossed out yet?

On a more pleasant note, I've included a pic of my Reiki bear and where she parks.

Post nasal pics...

A couple of pics in the immediate aftermath of surgery...

The day is nigh

Tomorrow morning I will leave the house at 6:30, drive something like 5 minutes, prep for surgery, and then take a nap.

I'm expecting to be rather out of it thereafter,though some would argue that is hardly a change in my condition.

Definitely reiki for the procedure and doc tonight.

See ya on the other side.

So what's your vision (of my nose?)

The countdown to my nose surgery is winding down. The clock started ticking at 68 days, and as of this moment, we are at 13.

To recap, my nose is being roto-rooted, retooled, and reformulated. A new nose inside and out.

With a pretty good idea of the rooting and retooling, it was with the reformulating in mind that I requested a final meet up with the surgeon, and we did so yesterday.

So what's your vision, doc?

He gave a descriptive, but being a visually dependent sort, we moved into seeing before and after pics of some of his past patients who had similar work done.

His vision is simple: subtle, not monumental changes. Where there is a slight crowning mid-nose, there will be a slight dip. That is basically the outside work summarised.

We reviewed other things of which he should be aware (one that quite surprised him - Max, think of bicycles and that tree what left us laughing) including my need to do a bit of reiki pre-surgery. We discussed amount of time I'll be there (4 hours), and what to expect in the aftermath.

13 days to go, and while I'm naturally apprehensive about surgery, at least now I have a comfort level with all that will be done.

Tires are tired

I've noticed one of my front tires is a bit distressed, as in rather absent much tread. ruh roh...

Time to call the tire place tomorrow and order a new one. Every time I do, the price goes up $30 due to the rising cost of oil... so this should require either a mortgage or a Powerball win.

So I've been lazy and not had the car aligned, guess that should be a summer chore. I've sensed the tire was nearing the end of its shelf life, as higher speeds no longer produce a smooth ride, so tire is saying 'slow down or I'll blow!"

And I'm personally tired from a wonderful reiki session last night. Here I thought we'd be done at nine, but Beth wished to send a healthy dose of reiki my way, and it was surely appreciated... leaving me feel wonderfully upon finishing. So I need to delve into reiki a bit earlier tonight, and get some rest.

Reiki, level two

I've waited a couple of days before writing this post, as I needed time to let things settle in. A couple of days of work, one (today) exclusively spent with someone fresh out of training, helping him get on a good pathway in work.

The reason for the need for settling is simple. Level two, despite a warning from another, overwhelmed my emotions. Said warning came from someone on iVillage, who has also been through both levels. Her advice was simple: take the next day off if you can, because your emotions will be running high.

After training ended, I wrote a response giving details of the day, and that emotionally I was fine. F-i-n-e sort of fine, and just didn't know it. An hour later, I did... and sent another response, with update.

Saturday was very interesting, and bonds were built. An hour or so in on Sunday, and I should have realised where the day was headed. As I observed and then drew one symbol, this overwhelming feeling I've drawn it countless times came over me, stronger than any deja vu experience - I just flat out *know* I've done this, and that left me on that level of heightened senses through the day.

Saturday's work left no time for a full reiki session on me, as we did my classmates. So Sunday was my turn, and that... is where things went mildly wild emotionally. Ah, but why? Damn if I know...

People were talking on seeing colour on occasion, for me there was nothing like that, but hey... I don't need that to appreciate this. So I'm on the table, two students and two Masters start in and... several minutes in, I started to see some blue. Not solid blue, intermittent not quite dotted, but you get the idea. And my first inclination was "yeah, right nelle... your mind is doing this, and so you can see whatever colour you wish to see." So I tried to change the colour, don't even know what colour was chosen as replacement. And it stayed blue. ruh roh. So kewl, we'll go with the flow, and eventually it was a mint green then a moment of yellow, and finally a very dull violet. At this point, I am spectator in my own mind. Nothing unusual there ;-)

OK, time to get on my back... and everyone starts in anew. The instructor did my shoulder blade area, and this is when spectator gets a bit overwhelmed. The other stuff already had me in a mild state emotionally, no biggie... but when my shoulder blade area started feeling like I was in a chiropractors office with electrical stimulation, albeit what I was feeling was far more subtle, I almost said something, but kept my mouth shut until the after.

Hey, maybe the furnace came on and I was too dumb and lost in things to notice ;-) but the timing was pretty awesome if it was, rofl. And it is funny - in the days since, I've talked to people who have done this (and of which I was unaware) and this is one of the first things they inquire on, the stuff felt during that time. And their words make me laugh like hell, because the memory carried is so intense.

When I left there for the day,  my emotions were at a very high and wonderful level - this was something that suddenly burst into my life over the last few months, and well, it has already changed me psychologically. If nothing else, that part is wondrous. My view of everything is so different.

This all started with my therapist, and my message to her was simply - this has changed my life forever. I know not where it will take me, maybe this is it, who knows? What I do know is that the reason for pursuing it to begin with - namely my needing more than therapy to heal - was hugely impacted. It has given me a quiet confidence where there was tentativeness or even skittishness, better able to manage and in fact move past the overwhelming guilt that sometimes comes to me. Heck, I've already had a  dream centred on reiki. Four days in and that just seems astounding to me. In point of fact, the dream was Sunday night.

Most who know me know Sue Monk Kidd's Dance Of The Dissident Daughter had a huge impact upon me. Huge. Yet Dance was passively but rather goose 'bumpily' read over days, a couple of weeks, over my breaks.

This... was two 9 hour days of intensive, active, involvement. All in all, a wonderful blessing that, as usual, comes at the exact right time.

One more thing... this is the 6th anniversary of my April Fool's Day melt down, the day I finally admitted out loud to being a trannie. And... funny, while I remember this as happening, it isn't an overwhelming memory any longer. :)